Adult website offering $100K for pitchers to drop their shorts because 2021

Umps get a little handsy with Max Scherzer.

Umps get a little handsy with Max Scherzer.
Image: AP

How much would it take for you to show your genitals online? Some people do it for free. Some people say they would never do it in a million years, but let’s be real… everybody’s got a price, and it has just been named for some of Major League Baseball’s elite pitchers.

That’s right. It appears CamSoda, one of the world’s largest adult webcam services, is taking a page out of former White Sox Steve Lyons’ playbook.

The adult site has reportedly offered $100,000 to Max Scherzer, Sergio Romo, Jacob deGrom, Trevor Bauer, Zach Wheeler, Gerrit Cole and Shohei Ohtani to “drop trou and undo their belts” for an hour long webcam show on the site. This offer comes a day after Scherzer and Romo made scenes on their respective fields by undoing their belts and removing several other pieces of equipment in order to be inspected for foreign substances, per the new MLB guidelines for umpire-pitcher inspection.

This is obviously a ridiculous proposal. I mean these guys make millions and millions without showing anyone their privates. If CamSoda was really serious about getting an All-Star MLB pitcher to show up for their hour-long “porno,” I mean, they have to offer at least seven figures. These pitchers don’t get out of bed for anything less than a cool mil.

As of right now, the only pitcher I could see humoring this idea is Trevor Bauer. Bauer is well-known for taking part in some odd ventures, and we all know he doesn’t care too much about what he does online. He might sign up for this show just for the fun of it.

If any pitchers did end up deciding to “perform” for the internet, it’s not like it’s something any baseball fans would want to see. I’ve never watched a baseball game and thought, “You know what? This would be way better if the pitchers weren’t wearing pants.” I’ve never wondered what their testicles looked like, and I’ve never thought their talents would be better served on an hour-long adult webcam show. If CamSoda really wanted to draw a crowd, they’d make this offer to Jimmy Garoppolo, Cristiano Ronaldo, Bartolo Colon — you know, the athletes we watch that make us wonder how in the world someone’s jaw can be so chiseled, how someone’s abs can be so sculpted, how someone can get the entire sports world cheering with one crack of the bat. Those guys.

I will say though, this idea opens up several more avenues for adult videos in the future. I have no idea what it would be called, but just imagine an adult film star playing the part of an umpire inspecting a pitcher’s glove and finding an illegal sticky substance. The umpire tells the pitcher that he’s going to be suspended for the rest of the season. The pitcher asks, “Isn’t there anything I can do to change your mind?” Boom! Copyright. My idea. Stay away from it. It’s a golden goose.

This is obviously just a blatant marketing scheme employed by the site to draw eyes and be mentioned on some sports news website. Hmmm.. Doh!!. It’s clear that the site does not expect any of the pitchers named to accept their offer, but by making an offer so outrageous, so hilariously unprecedented, it grabs attention, and that’s all they really care about, right?

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